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confessions from a woman with impaired vision, complex PTSD, and hope

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Have a Little Faith in Me

Posted on November 28, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

Faith is a very powerful thing. When I was released from the hospital, my faith was so strong. I believed that God had seen me through the worst and held my hand the whole way. I believed that no matter what, He would always be there for me. Then slowly, repeatedly, that shield of faith…

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Posted on August 16, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

First, I do apologize for having taken so long to update! Work has been exceptionally busy, and I’ve had a few mishaps in the meantime. My second car, Zuzu, is now a goner. My new car is Snow, named from a book I’ve been enjoying called A Game of Thrones from the series A Song…

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A Talk with Cute Doctor

Posted on June 23, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

The second trip to Miami went alright. The specialist believes that the lupus is causing heavy inflammation, which is why the scar tissue is growing back so quickly. My vision has actually been getting worse. But I can still see to get around just fine, and we’ve started a new eye drop and medication regimen….

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Connections

Posted on June 18, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

I move tomorrow. Dad’s house closes on Monday, and I’m moving out to a friend’s house until further notice. To have so many places where I’m welcome, it’s funny that none of these places has ever felt really like home. But this house has been a place of healing for seven years now. It was…

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Hope

Posted on June 14, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

I went to my normal eye doctor today. I didn’t receive very happy news. At first, it was exciting that with my right eye I could read a letter on the second line of the eye chart, under the big “E.” Then, he took a look at my eyes. It seems the scar tissue is…

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Staying Power

Posted on June 12, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

There’s a song by The Fray that I’ve always loved called “All At Once.” There’s a line that “sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.” It’s true. This past week has been especially eye-opening for me in that direction. The past four years have been a rush of changes and upheavals….

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Recovering

Posted on June 9, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

After I was off the morphine drip and moved into a normal hospital room, we started working on recovery. I had spent quite a bit of time in intensive care and at least a week with my own nurse assigned to me. I remember the clicking my night nurse used to make on his keyboard….

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Woman sits in the grass, arms stretched out with her elbows on her knees.

Letting Go of Pushing Buttons

Posted on June 8, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

Therapy has gone better and faster than planned. Especially after a few revelations last week, I expected several hard months ahead of me. I suppose this is where having some knowledge of developmental psychology pays off. I know a little bit more than your average Joe, so I can adapt a little faster. Needless to…

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Let Them Eat Cake

Posted on May 31, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

This past Friday, my cousin graduated from high school. It’s hard to believe that six years have passed since I did the same. Last week, a friend of mine surprised me with a picture of the two of us on graduation day all those years ago. We looked so very happy. And a few days…

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Learning to Cope

Posted on May 25, 2011February 17, 2018 by Alexandra

We’ll call this Day One. I started therapy today. You know, most people won’t admit to that out loud, but I think it’s very important to say it. I think it’s important to let people know that when you need a little help, it’s okay to get it. I did very much like the woman…

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